Juggling (Original Poem)

Hey folks!

So I've been obsessed with the slam poet, Rudy Fransisco, recently, and he gave me the idea to write an honest, personal poem. I led the poem based on his "My Honest Poem," starting the way he did, and kind of just let my mind do the rest of the work. I ended up just writing a letter-thing to others, basically explaining how my introverted brain works and why I don't always say "yes" to invitations all the time. I typically say "no," despite my wanting to go, because if I don't spend a certain amount time by myself, just letting myself be myself (wow I just said "myself" a lot haha), I will definitely have a mental breakdown. There have been instances where I'll be going and going and going for a while, surrounded by people, and there will be no distinctive moment or reason for it, but I'll be in a crowd and suddenly shut down, have severe sensory overload, and desperately need to leave or just generally get away from the people I'm with, no matter the people. For example, this looks like leaving a restaurant for half an hour to get some fresh air outside, even if it's below freezing and I have no coat. Believe me, it's happened. I don't know, I just feel like the majority of the population doesn't really understand how introverts work, because the ones people look to most are extroverts. Also, I think it might be because many introverts are shy, so these introverts don't speak up much about it. Well, I'm an outspoken introvert and I'm here to speak up, haha. I will gladly defend against any falsehoods said about this personality trait and try my hardest to represent the rest of the introverts well. They deserve to be respected in the way that they process things and replenish their spirits, just like society respects extroverts' desires to go out clubbing/partying/etc. on the weekends to "blow off steam." Well, let's just say, my "blowing off steam" is inhaling the steam of my delicious tea at the end of the day. Soooooo yeah. I will gladly go into the topic more and answer any questions anyone has, no matter how weird they might sound. ANYWAY let's get on with the poem, shall we? OH that's another way I calm down as an introvert--I write poems! They help me process things. Let's read it! Enjoy!

Love,

Noelle

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Juggling

After Rudy Fransisco

I was born on November 24th

That means I’m a Sagittarius

They say it means I’m feisty, reckless, passionate

None of these are false

But I’m also

Determined,

Thoughtful,

Frustratingly stubborn,

Dramatic...

Loving.

Sometimes too much

Sometimes I give so much away

My personality is left indebted to itself

I am left incomplete

Wandering with no direct path to follow

Multiple paths actually, but I’m afraid to choose

I’m still refilling myself with gas

Can we wait a few more minutes?

We can’t get to Toronto on only 2 gallons

They say “Hurry up! Or you’ll be late!”

But what if I can’t go at all?

I remain stuck in the quick sand that is my bed

Holding onto the only comfort I can feel with my hands.

I turn to the Bible for rescue

I realize not as often as I should

I feel guilty for letting everyone down

God included, sometimes

He’s my only refuge I can depend on whole-heartedly

You hear “I’m here for you. Let me know if you need anything.”

My new favorite word is platitude.

No, I return to my bed for rest and solitude

To replenish myself

Before resurfacing to face the world

To anyone who’s ever invited me

To do something “fun and relaxing!” on the weekends,

I’m sorry.

I love you and I have a severe case of FOMO,

But I’ll have to sit this one out.

Again

And again

And again.

I am an introvert

I am an empath

I am a loyalist

I am a friend

These things are frustratingly difficult to juggle

And balance against each other

Yes, I meant against

No, I did not mean with.